The "Why"

Why do I want to do the 30 day challenge?



I want to discover who I am.  There is a bit of this girl who was Jennie still here.  The one who loved to run.  Paint butterflies.  Play the flute in the bathroom so it echoed beautifully.  Read books.  I want to release the voice that this person has kept quiet for many decades.  The voice that I silenced.  I see that it was my choice.  I want to put the painful memories and lessons I've experienced in their place.  Call on them for advice, but not live them every day.  I play the old record over and over that tells me I'm not good enough.  Not smart enough.  I would have left me, too.  I would have cheated on me, too.  Didn't realize that's the story I played over and over until kind of recently.  I want a new pattern.  I want a new story.   And I want the story to be about this good woman.  Mother. Friend.  This person is kind, intelligent, cares about herself.    I want to wake up every day and want to take care of the body that God gave me.  Not wish that this life would hurry up and be over.  I want to wake up, go outside and smell the grass and hear the sounds of the earth.  I want to re-discover that girl who believed that life is full of magic and beauty.  That life is butterflies and rainbows.  That's my "why".